Is YOUR Party Racist? Find Out In Just Five Minutes!

In these confusing, topsy-turvy days of interconnected tubes, miscegenation, Twitters, and furries, it can often be hard to tell whether a party you belong to is racist, especially with the modern proliferation of partisans: the Democrat Party, the Republican Party, the Tea Party, the Coffee Party (“yes, we’re still around, thanks for asking!“), the Green Party, the Libertarian Party, the Burnt Umber Party, the Communist Party — the list goes on and on. And if your party is racist, that means you’re racist too, even if you don’t know it. But not to worry: we at Classical Values are here to help! Our crack team of forensic aggrievement specialists have put together this simple survey that will tell you whether your party is closer to colorblind or KKK (award one point for each “Yes” answer):
1. Has the leader of your party made remarks such as “typical [race] person”? Is he or she closely associated with people known for inciting racial hatred?
2. Does your party have a significant number of representatives in racially segregated organizations (e.g. Congresssional Black Caucus, Congressional Hispanic Caucus, Congressional White Caucus)?
3. Does your party advocate racial preferences in government hiring?
4. Does your party advocate racial preferences in school admissions?
5. Has your party covered up violent incidents by, or featured prominent ex-members of, explicitly racial-supremacist organizations (e.g. Ku Klux Klan, New Black Panthers, Aztlan)?
SCORE:
0: Congratulations! You belong to a non-racist party, and by extension are therefore presumably not racist.
1: You’re only a little racist. You probably didn’t mean to be.
2: You’re not that racist nut at the party, but you’re still at the party.
3: You’re that racist nut at the party.
4: You’re obsessed with race. You’re convinced people of other races are out to get you, and spend significant portions of time worrying about it. Whoa! There’s one behind you now! Haha, got you.
5: You’re a Democrat. Sorry.