Why do they hate our emissions?

This is the fourth day of arctic weather in the low teens and single digits, and I am getting sick of it. Like most Americans, I am in no mood for a scolding about Global Warming. Battling ice is no fun, and driving is dangerous because the streets that were plowed and look safe actually have a thin layer of what they call “black ice.” I nearly rear-ended someone yesterday because my brakes simply failed to do an adequate job of stopping my car on this invisible ice. Fortunately, I had not been tailgating, so I was able to stop in the nick of time, but it’s maddening to not be able to safely drive and even more maddening to not be able to safely walk. I like to think that when I accelerate my car I have the right to assume it will go forward and not sideways, and that when I place my foot on the ground, it will remain where I put it. I hate to sound like a bigot, but I don’t see why I being forced by nature to revisit the laws of practical physics as I have always known them. If this is nature, then nature sucks! Grrr…

Anyway, to make my life easier I have to blame someone, and if the Bible-waving, evangelist Jerry Falwell can blame the homos for 9/11, then I can blame the Bible-waving evangelist Al Gore for bringing this climate on:

It’s his fault! Because, like many a Bible waver, he hates human emissions, obviously loves this weather, and he wants to inflict it on us out of spite, while he gets to luxuriate in the decadent carbon emissions of his overheated palace. Besides if the theories of Gore and the rest of the tyrants are correct, as we further reduce CO2 emissions it will only get colder. 

So I could use some Global Warming, because I’m tired of being trapped indoors on life support.