Yesterday I saw something which startled and puzzled me. A boy (anywhere between 9 and 13) was walking with a woman who appeared to be his mother, and the two of them were having a loud argument which escalated as they walked. The mother was trying to control him and warning him that she wouldn’t tolerate what he was doing, and he retorted with foul language and threats of violence, saying he would beat her ass — all the while swinging his fists and doing threatening karate type kicks in the air. It became clear to me that not only was she unable to control him, but that he was the one in control. I saw a look of fear and despair on her face, as if she was worried that the problem was going to get worse (which I am sure it will).

Not being a social worker, I don’t know how common that sort of thing is. Plenty of social agencies deal with parental abuse of children, but what slowly crept up on me was the distinct feeling that the mother here was the victim — of her own child.

How common is this problem? I searched mostly in vain, for almost all discussions of violence in families involve either spousal domestic violence or else violence directed at a child.

I did find this, though:

Violence toward a parent is an attempt to control or bully them. It is when their young person frightens, threatens or physically hurts them. It can involve using abusive language, pushing, shoving, kicking, throwing things, or threatening with knives or other weapons.

Violence towards parents or other family members by young people is more common than many people think.

It’s not often talked about because parents can feel embarrassed, scared or alone. They can feel as if they have lost control in their own home.

It is important not to ignore the violence or other types of abuse, and to keep yourself safe. It can help to take action early to prevent or avoid violence.

It’s normal for parents and young people to disagree and have conflict or arguments at times.

However, if a young person is abusive or violent, it is more than conflict. It is an attempt to control and have power over you or others in the home. It can happen in families of any culture, religion or situation in life.

A young person may frighten, threaten or hurt you by swearing, calling you names, yelling, pushing, hitting, spitting or kicking. They might throw or break things, or punch holes in walls. Sometimes they steal money, run up debts or demand things you can’t afford. They may hurt pets or damage property.

They can threaten to run away or harm themselves if you don’t give in to them. They might threaten you with knives or other weapons.

And,

Young people can use abuse or violence for a number of reasons. It’s more common for adolescent boys to be violent toward their mother, especially if they are the sole parent, but this isn’t always the case. If a young person has seen violence between parents, or a parent has been violent toward them, they may believe it is normal.

That’s from an Australian web site. Whether American social workers are concerned about this, I do not know. I did find a Wiki entry on the subject, and it seems to be a relatively newly discovered phenomenon:

Parental abuse is a relatively new term. In 1979, Harbin and Madden^[7] released a study using the term “parent battery” but juvenile delinquency, which is a major factor, has been studied since the late 1800s.^[6] Even though some studies have been done in the United States, Australia, Canada, and other countries, the lack of reporting of adolescent abuse toward parents makes it difficult to accurately determine the extent of it. Many studies have to rely on self-reporting by adolescents.^[8][9] In 2004, Robinson,^[6] of Brigham Young University, published: Parent Abuse on the Rise: A Historical Review in the American Association of Behavioral Social Science Online Journal, reporting results of the 1988 study performed by Evans and Warren-Sohlberg.^[10] The results reported that 57% of parental abuse was physical; using a weapon at 17%; throwing items at 5% and verbal abuse reported at 22%. With 82% of the abuse being against mothers (5 times greater than against fathers) and 11% of the abusers were under the age of 10 years old. The highest rate of abuse happens within families with a single mother.

Well, that is certainly consistent with what I witnessed. I very much doubt there is any father involved in the upbringing of that monster kid, and if he was willing to be that violent toward his mother on a public street, I can only imagine what happens at home.

It would be unreasonable to expect her to call the cops on her son, of course, as that would be an admission of her own failure, the ultimate consequence of which might well be social workers taking him away.

It was just a sad little slice of life, and there wasn’t much I could do about it at the time but wonder. As they were walking towards a public housing project, it occurred to me that they might be recipients of government money (meaning money taken from taxpayers like myself), which would mean the government would have some responsibility. But to do what? And how?