Headlines to knock you out

With news headlines like these, who needs reality?

James Bond is an ‘impotent drunk’

Yes, and teams of anti-alcohol “scientists” obsessively analyzed all the Bond books and films to prove it.

Seriously, just look at the graph they created:

I guess the world is lucky that scientific busybodies never analyzed Winston Churchill and pronounced him unfit for command.

Next!

Beer Floods Framingham Brewery After Gasket Fails

Video originally posted on the brewery’s Facebook page shows a flood of suds streaming from a large tank onto the brewery floor.

Co-owner Jack Hendler says crews filled the tank on Wednesday with 1,500 gallons of beer, which equates to about 700 cases. The gasket gave out sometime overnight. The entire batch was lost.

“When we came in the morning, we came into a mess,” he told CBS Boston. “The good side of the whole mess is there was never a safety issue for anyone working. It was simply a waste of beer issue.”

Hendler says the beer was set to be bottled on Wednesday and shipped off to retailers. Instead, the bottling crew spent the day on clean-up duty.

Hey, the kids in my neighborhood could have cleaned up the tragic flood in a jiffy. And they wouldn’t have charged a dime.

Next!

EPA admits the ethanol mandate has become unrealistic

…refiners have reached what is known as the “blend wall” — the limits of what can be safely blended into the fuel supply before damaging vehicle engines. This has driven up the cost of renewable fuel credits and caused refiners to ship fuel overseas where the RFS does not apply.

The economic and environmental damage has inspired a wide-ranging coalition of refiners, environmentalists, motorist groups and other to pressure Congress to reform the RFS.

“It is harming as many farmers as it helps, is becoming obsolete as an energy independence resource and increasing greenhouse gas emissions,” Scott Faber, president of the Environmental Working Group told The Daily Caller News Foundation.

No one changes their minds the way environmentalists do. Once they advocated wood burning stoves, and now they ban them. Utopian windmill dreams are as fickle as which way the wind blows and kills eagles. Biodiesel was fine until they realized it was killing off the orangutans. Nuclear was the epitome of evil until they started thinking about it, and now they’re divided. Battery technology was all just peachy until someone came up with the idea of “Peak Lithium.”

And if alcohol news doesn’t knock you out, maybe some anesthesia news willl.

Last!

What Anesthesia Can Teach Us About Consciousness

…unconsciousness is what happens when different parts of the brain can’t connect: The signal simply dies. This also suggests that anesthetics work best when they cut those lines of communication. What’s more, it provides insight into a vexing question: How can the entirety of human experience arise from tiny electrical impulses?

Neuroscientists do know that consciousness does not reside in any one part of the brain — there is no region where all information is aggregated together — but they don’t know much more than that.

Not to worry. They’re busily promoting NeuroLaw anyway!