Earlier I was asked what I thought would be a quick and easy question to settle.
Does the term “single mom” include divorced moms?
I had always assumed that single moms were mothers who had kids but never married. At least, that would seem to be the narrative implied by the term in common usage. However, the common usage seems to be changing, and divorced moms seem to prefer the term “single” to “divorced.” The Wiki definition is confusing, and seems to include everything:
In legal definitions for interpersonal status, a single person is someone who is not in a relationship or is “unmarried”.[citation needed] If a marriage is annulled, however, or it is found to have been void ab initio (i.e. not valid in law to start with), and assuming the person was not married previously, that individual is single, rather than unmarried. In that situation, the law behaves as though the parties thought they were married when, in actuality, they were not. The term single in its common usage is often referred to someone who isn’t involved in any type of romantic relationship, whether it would be dating, engagement, or marriage. Both single and unmarried people may participate in dating rituals and other activities to find a long-term partner or spouse. However, in some cases single people are not interested in marriage, domestic partnership, or other types of formal, committed relationships.
“Unmarried?” Again, why no distinction between never-married and divorced? Is it considered more stigmatizing to be divorced with children than to be never married with children?
Anyway, the issue has come up in various discussions, and there seems to be a bit of a double standard, because some women who want to date object to divorced men referring to themselves as “single”
I’m new here and was wondering why the men I’m coming in contact list themselves as single when they are actually divorced? I would like to assume that all of us here looking to find someone are legally single. But, I always assumed “single” meant single never married. It’s not a big deal. I would be interested in either status. But, I was just curious why they don’t just put that they are divorced? I am widowed and often wonder if that scares guys away. Should I just put “single”? I opt for full disclosure from the get go. So, I list myself as widowed.
I don’t know whether it’s a big deal or not, but there has been a lot of discussion recently about the single mom vote, with very little discussion of what is meant by the term. Indeed, the term is used in a way clearly calculated to denote victimization. (But how about single dads? Can’t they be victims too? Why not?)
Even if it includes divorced women, “single mom” invokes the image of a woman raising children on her own without help from a husband. Yet there is a huge difference between a divorced mom with shared custody whose ex is paying child support and one who never married and receives no money from or participation in child-raising with the father.
My concern is that “single mom” is at best a confusing term, if not a misleading one, and that it lumps too many people together.
Comments
6 responses to “Single question with multiple answers”
Wouldn’t “unattached” be the all inclusive term for single/never married, single/divorced?
Of course she lists herself as widowed rather than single. First, unlike being divorced there is no stigma to being widowed. Second, it gets her sympathy she wouldn’t receive if she listed herself as “single”.
As for men, they list themselves as “single” because “divorced” still possesses stigma, and if widowed they get a lot less sympathy for it than women do. Indeed, a man listing himself as a widower might be deemed to be fishing for sympathy, which is a no-no for a man.
There are not really multiple answers to your question about the term, “single women”. The answer is very simple. First, spend a little time looking at all of those “housewives of” TV shows. You will quickly observe, mainly because I am telling you, that most of those females are not really wives. Some of them are single, maybe divorced, maybe not, bitter alcoholics. Some of them are “dating” and having sex with so many males, we used to call them whores. Some, and these are exceptional, are actually married. Sort of. What they all share is their desperate search for meaning under the knives of plastic surgeons and in the bottoms of many glasses of wine and their ability to make lots of money on their television inspired notoriety. Yet, they are all “housewives”. OK, now lets consider what “single mom” might mean. No, lets not. We don’t need to. Lets just conclude this lesson with the only pertinent observation you need to know. When it comes to ascribing meaning to any terminology associated with females, the role of females in society, or anything females might say, do or think, there are no limits. Thus, there is no settled meaning and there cannot be any settled meaning. It’s whatever makes any particular female temporarily feel relevant for that particular moment in time. Heck, even if you ask one, she won’t be able to tell you. They don’t know. Try it.
If they cast their nets of vilification too wide, they can’t deride “single” moms.
What about widows with young children? What about wives of soldiers overseas?
They don’t hate them because they are playing by the rules set down in 1850 (yes 1850 not 1950 – don’t kid yourselves, the Republicans aren’t that progressive).
@Bob Smith. No, I don’t think so. I’d say MOST women (assuming the widower isn’t making the late wife into a saint who is impossible to take the place of – which happens) would be far happier to be introduced to a widower than a divorced gentleman.
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