They can have my flashlight when they… (oh, never mind!)

Did you know that America is in the middle of a deadly flashlight epidemic? I didn’t until this morning, when I read about exploding “flashlight bombs” wreaking havoc.

The first bomb was spotted by a passerby on May 13 in a suburb just west of Phoenix. It was sitting behind a palm tree in a strip mall and blew up when it was clicked on.

The next day, about 10 miles away, a landscaper found a flashlight in an irrigation ditch. It, too, exploded when he flicked the switch, authorities said.

The third bomb exploded on May 24 at a Salvation Army distribution center near downtown Phoenix and about 11 miles from the first one.

An employee detonated the device while sorting through donations, forcing 120 people in the store to evacuate. Jon Bierd, production manager at the facility, said the worker suffered a small abrasion to his forehead.

No one has been seriously hurt, which makes me suspect that these “bombs” are about as powerful as a firecracker, and most likely the handiwork of some young ne’er-do-well in serious need of corporal punishment followed by a stint in the Marine Corps. Not what most people would consider a “terrorist.”

Nevertheless a profiler has been consulted, and he has some fascinating observations.

…the bombings have stopped, though it is unclear whether there are more flashlights out there.

The attention may have scared them off or they may gain confidence and strike again as the investigation stretches on without an arrest, criminal profiler Gregg McCrary said.

Details of the case lead the former FBI agent to think the culprit is either a man or two men, with one of them being a dominant leader and the other a follower.

As for motive, whoever is responsible may be bombing at random for various reasons, said McCrary, who teaches at Marymount University in Virginia.

“Typically these things are about wanting to feel superior and smarter than other people,” he said, adding that they also might revel in the news coverage.

“There’ll be a vicarious thrill or excitement watching news coverage, and it’s kind of like: `Look what I’ve done.’ It’s a sense of empowerment that `I made all this happen,’” he said.

Mangan said the remnants of the bombs are at a laboratory and being studied for fingerprints and other DNA evidence. The ATF said it will try to trace the materials used in the bombs to see where they were bought.

Mangan said his agency and others are concerned that the bombings will resume, possibly in a different container. They’re also worried that the injuries won’t be so minor next time.

“Anytime any individual uses a bomb, their purpose is to create fear in the community and also to inflict serious injury or death,” he said.

Hey, how come they know it’s the work of “men”? I mean, isn’t that sexist? (I guess I should be happy they’re not calling these things “IEDs” and blaming them on disgruntled war veterans.)

There are lots of other fascinating aspects to the story, and FARK.com patrons are having a field day.

Example:

This sounds a lot like a 14 year old boy with a few firecrackers and model rocket igniters.

And,

FTFA:

Mangan said the agency has ruled out any connection to terrorism…

but then

“Anytime any individual uses a bomb, their purpose is to create fear in the community…”

Same guy for both quotes.

We can’t be too careful. I’m wondering how “bomb” is defined because there are legal fireworks being sold openly which explode — probably with a lot more umpph than whatever was stuck into these flashlights.

As to the moral of the story, it is this. If you see a flashlight, be afraid. Very afraid! And if, God forbid, you must actually carry a flashlight, be very, very careful.

And whatever you do, don’t bring one anywhere near the airport, much less leave it there.