the bear truth

This headline got my attention.

Naked Vermont governor almost eaten by bears

At least, he says he was. No politician in his right mind would make up such a story.

Speaking to the editorial board of Valley News in Vermont, the first-term Democrat said he noticed the bears in the back yard late at night, outside his rental home near Monteplier, where they were nosing at his bird feeders just feet from his windows.

After shouting at them from relative safety, for some reason Shumlin said he decided to fetch the bird feeders, explaining that he didn’t want the bears to become a frequent feature on his property.

“The (bear) charges me on the porch — I’m tearing through the door,” he reportedly said. “You almost lost the governor. Security was not there. I was within three feet of getting ‘arrrh.’”

Shumlin is also quoted as saying: “I sleep like many Vermont boys, without too much clothing at night. I’m not a big pajama person. The bottom line is: The bears were dressed better than I and they could have done some real damage.”

He also showed a brief video of the encounter to the Valley News, though it’s not clear what exactly the footage revealed.

Shumlin concluded that leaving bird feeders in Vermont yards during the spring time is inadvisable because it may attract bears.

“I had a tough night,” he reportedly said.

I don’t doubt that. And considering that the governor is a Democrat, I think he showed great restraint in not trying to link his attackers to the Tea Party.

But I’m surprised his close brush with death didn’t trigger more of an existential crisis. It’s not every day we nearly become part of the food chain. Calling it merely “a tough night” doesn’t cut it.

I mean, this cat does a much better job of having an existential crisis — and over nothing in particular.

UPDATE: In other important news involving animals attacking politicians, Newt Gingrich has been bitten by a penguin:

The Republican presidential candidate is sporting a small bandage on his finger after getting nipped by a small penguin during his tour of the zoo on Friday. Gingrich was in St. Louis to speak during the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting.

During his visit to the popular zoo in Forest Park, he was treated to a behind-the-scenes visit with two Magellanic penguins. One of them nipped Gingrich on the finger.

No reason was given for the attack, and the penguin’s side of the story was not presented.

If anyone knows more, feel free to speak up.