It is well known I have a fear of flying, which I’m doing today – though the rest of week is “canned” posts from Portugal, since I’m not getting home till Saturday (my husband and I having decided we need a little time before I must deal with house and cats.)
What I’ve probably never explained is what that fear consists of. It’s not so much a fear of falling – that is there, too, of course. I mean, it is a possibility, as is a bomb or terrorist attack. But what I’m most scared of is the loss of control I experience while flying. I’d not feel much different if I were taking a long distance train (which I did, a lot, in my younger days) or bus.
It will perhaps surprise a lot of people that I am a control freak. In my defense I am a control freak of a peculiar and localized kind. I couldn’t care less what other people do, for instance, or if they do things in the “one way I approve of.” Once my kids reached the age of being self-propelled and fairly reasonable, provided they behave like human beings, do their share of chores and do well at school, I couldn’t care less if in their own private time they choose to sleep crosswise on the bed or scratch their ear with their big toe. If their rooms are relatively clean (no rotting food, no trash on the floor and no bugs) I don’t even much care how they arrange their furniture or what they choose to display on their shelves. Ditto the way they dress. Many people at conventions seem to believe I make them wear button downs. Frankly I’d prefer they wear t-shirts as they don’t need ironing. But they like button downs and the inconvenience to me is minimal, so that’s fine. In fact, some people would call me rather slapdash when it comes to controlling my family. I never even consider controlling my friends – though I reserve the right to argue with or tease them about their choices.
So in what way am I a control freak? Me. I like to control me, my immediate surroundings and my decisions. I have never done drugs, because I like to be in control of my own mind. Illnesses annoy me (as did the excessive weight I’ve struggled with) because, curse it all, I should be able to control m own body. I don’t like roller coasters because I can’t control the way they roll. When I was very little, I used to pull my own milk teeth, as opposed to letting an adult pull them with string or otherwise, because I preferred to control the pain. Frankly, still, if I must do something which will hurt or be unpleasant, I’d rather do it to myself.
Because of this I prefer to drive myself, though I seem to have accepted my husband and son as extensions of the self (probably because I can nag them.)
Airplane travel, particularly when involving three plane changes, has way too much control in other people’s hands, particularly in the time of National Security issues. I can’t even get up when the air hostess would rather I sat down, even if I have a very, very good reason, such as a poisonous lizard down my pants. (How would I know how a poisonous lizard got on the plane? It could!)
On top of that there’s other considerations. The bureaucracy involved is mind boggling. For instance, the computers of Usairways and TAP don’t talk to each other, and since I’m leaving (have left, by the time you read this) Porto headed for Lisbon on a TAP plane, I have a boarding pass only for the first flight, after which I must navigate a strange airport (trust me, being from the North, I find Lisbon VERY strange) and get boarding passes for the next two flights, all in about an hour and a half (so cross fingers the plane is not late.) Once I’ve landed for my connection in the states (should be close if not already there by the time this post goes up) I will feel better, since I have a measure of control: even if planes are grounded, I can rent a car and drive home to Colorado. Mind you, I’ll hate it like poison, but not as much as I’d hate being stranded away from my husband.
So, send kind thoughts my way, that today’s travels go well. It always seems to be that the travel to Portugal is fraught, but the travel back is glitch-less. (Except for their losing my bags occasionally, though even that not often.) Let’s hope this holds.
I miss home, I miss my husband, I miss my cats, I miss my friends; I miss diners and having access to the internet when I feel like it; I miss my office and my keyboard and my coffee maker; I miss my walks around the neighborhood and the way th light slants through the trees in the park; I miss my treadmill; I miss my art desk; I miss the Natu… wait Denver Museum of Nature and Science; I miss the aquarium, the zoo and the Denver Museum of Art.
I guess sometimes you need to travel half around the world to find out you’re a homebody after all.
Crossposted at According To Hoyt
Comments
13 responses to “A Fear Of Flying”
I know exactly how you feel. I just returned from a week of visiting family on the east coast, and while I didn’t have a bad time, I didn’t feel completely relaxed or happy about being there, either. I missed my little house, my dogs, and I hated driving (and driving and driving) around in all the traffic and the fact that my small city has a better choice of restaurants and so on all nearby, whereas when we tried going out to dinner during my visit, the question was always where could we go that was decent that wasn’t too far away. And while I don’t get nervous about flying, I never enjoy it very much for many of the reasons you articulated.
Have no fear, pilots are alpha control-freaks. I’m a pilot, and I worked at the 2nd biggest flight school in the USA. The pilot psychology is a particular type of perfectionism, despite how Hollywood portrays pilots. The culture of aviation is one of not just being perfect, but being perfect about ever more things and in ever smaller details.
It’s not enough to do the right thing at the right time but it must be done in such a way to preclude the possibility of error or such that the most perfectionist observer would have nothing to suggest for improvement. Pilot’s mentally compete to be more perfect and to be better prepared for the unexpected
Now when they aren’t flying you are liable to see a much wider range of personality.
The industry has revolutionized itself with a “democratization” in the cockpit called Crew Resource Management which has replaced the legacy of “I’m the Captain and I said so…” Captains and rookies are trained and monitored so that any crew member can challenge any decision and they will be protected. The right way will prevail.
“I guess sometimes you need to travel half around the world to find out you’re a homebody after all”
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.” –T.S. Eliot
‘lanched:
http://pajamasmedia.com/instapundit/122204/
I am sure today’s travels went splendidly well! Now enjoy a nice cocktail – it’s Friday!
(Easy for me to say who didn’t have to fly today, but you’re supposed to say something like that…)
The control freak issue is also the root of my fear of flying. I can tolerate flying, but I have to mentally prepare myself with calming thoughts every time I fly. Somehow I imagine that if I could sit there, in the cockpit, with the pilot and see what is going on, I would feel calmer. In fact, I would like to be able to fly the damn plane myself, to really be in control.
The comment above, by the pilot, was actually very reassuring to me. I like reading stuff like that because that works for me.
The unknown sounds of an airplane’s machinery freak me out. Was that a normal sound? Why is that sound lasting so long? I don’t remember that sound on my last flight. This must mean something is wrong. Even the calmness of the stewards doesn’t calm me; they are trained to be calm no matter what. So I sit there, perfectly still, and solve crossword puzzles nonstop from takeoff to landing. I don’t care if I make mistakes, I just move from word problem to word problem while trying to zone out the odd sounds and vibrations of the flying metal tube I am trapped in. During takeoff I pray to God and thank him for my life if I should die during this flight (but I always insert a wish that I won’t!) Then, during landing, I try to strike up a conversation with the person next to me to help me remain calm. Last time I flew that worked really well, and I almost forgot to feel freaked out as we descended over water toward a coastal airport. The moment of touchdown I feel such a joy for being alive that I am happy and full of energy for the next 24 hours!
My family live on the other side of the planet, so airplanes will always be part of my life. I have considered ocean liners but that would take forever and I think I have developed a tendency for sea sickness in the last few years…
Next time I fly long haul I will bring lots of crosswords. No, can’t self-medicate due to control issues, and no, can’t wear head phones due to control issues (I need to hear those odd sounds even if they freak me out.)
Oh, and if you happen to sit next to me during your next flight; I look perfectly normal and happy on the outside and I can carry on a normal conversation — it’s the inside that is freaked out!
Most small airports will give you a “fun flight” or “discovery flight” for $50-ish. AOPA.org is the big aviation association and can direct you further. The manual skills of flying are not much more difficult than driving.
Go take a discovery fight. If you like it, dedicate enough money ($1000) to solo and then decide if you want to do more.
The thing to remember is it’s not as difficult to learn to fly as you think. It’s a mental challenge, in that if you are driven by learning you will certainly have the smarts to do anything in flying.
You can pay for aviation training as you go along or in big chunks. You really save on training costs by studying on your own. You want to learn on the ground and practice in the air.
Sarah,
You need to take flying lessons. Seriously. We’re all control freaks up there.
@Scott M
Thanks for the info. I did not know one could take a “Discovery Flight.”
Who knows, perhaps I will look into just that!
Wouldn’t that be something!?
I’ve heard that this is generally why people who are afraid of driving on the freeway are afraid of the freeway, it’s the lack of control. Once you get on, you’re stuck there until the next exit.
If you want to read an excellent blog by a working airline pilot check out Capt Dave’s blog called FL 390
Flight Level 390 is awesome, it’s not technical.
http://flightlevel390.blogspot.com/
BTW, at the flight schools it’s a well known “secret” that women are usually the students that get the most from training. Even if you assume a below-average mechanical understanding of the aircraft and it’s systems by the women, they more than make up for that by willingness to do the studying and most importantly they take instruction.
Even though women are a small minority of the students, it’s not been anything like a novelty for many, many years.
Amazon has a huge selection of aviation training books. I’m nearer to an Aspy/Geek and prefer the dryer technical ones over the more narrative type training books. A very good comprehensive book by a legend is the “Student Pilot’s Flight Manual: From First Flight to Private Certificate (The Flight Manuals Series) by William K. Kershner You can get a Kindle version of the FAA Student Pilot Guide for $7
There are 2 basic types of flight schools. The one which includes the individual flight instructor is called a “Part 61” school. The more regimented type of school is called a “Part 141” school.
Part 61 training is similar to a qualified driving instructor that you would contract to give you driving lessons on your mutual schedule. A Part 141 school is a sort of “cookie-cutter”, in the best sense of the word, school where all of the skills and tasks are broken into small bite-sized chunks. You will not move on until you master previous task. Part 141 usually costs more but the training is more consistent.
The truth is, no matter which school you use for Private Pilot, or the Sport Pilot license you will almost certainly not complete training in the government mandated minimum of time. Good schools will tell you this when they quote you prices. Other schools will quote you the minimum and surprise you when you don’t finish in minimum time.
You will fly the aircraft on your first flight, probably even do the first takeoff, while the instructor follows on the controls with you. Don’t be discouraged if you get a bit nauseous at the start. There is ZERO correlation between nausea and success. Under no circumstance expect to be nauseous or think you aren’t suited for flying if you get nauseous.
Sporty’s Pilot Shop is the Amazon of pilot stuff.
Lastly, you do not need any particular skill with math. I’d heard that my whole life when I said I wanted to be a pilot. I kept waiting for the hard math to kick my butt and it’s seldom anything more than multiplication or division and you use a calculator.
It costs about $150 per hour to rent the aircraft plus instructor rate. If you like your discovery flight, save up enough money to get through solo so you can train with no money concern. A Private license is in the ballpark of $5k, more in high cost of living areas.
That’s interesting, I feel exactly the same flying. I also feel I have wrestled my immediate surroundings into providing me extraordinarily high utility and so am loathe to forsake them even briefly.
Needless to say, I figured out years ago that travel has low utility overall, and I try to avoid it as much as humanly possible. It’s a little harder now that I’m married.
Yep, I’m with the other pilots – tackle it head on and learn how to fly. Start with Light Sport Aircraft (LSA) as the cheapest entry point. Colorado would look awesome from the air!
Another great resource that helped me get over my fear of flying is the “Ask the Pilot” column in Salon.com. Patrick Smith is an airline pilot who writes in a down-to-earth manner.