Christmas Classic

In the pre-Internet days,  I used to — I am not making this up — keep a folder of Dave Barry Year In Review columns.

In Paris, two million people march in a solidarity rally following the horrific terrorist attack on the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo.

Eyebrows are raised when not a single top U.S. official attends, but several days later, Secretary of State John Kerry arrives in France with James Taylor, who — this really happened — performs the song You’ve Got a Friend. This bold action strikes fear into the hearts of terrorists, who realize that Secretary Kerry is fully capable, if necessary, of unleashing Barry Manilow.

In Garland, Texas, two armed men are gunned down by police after they open fire on a security guard outside an exhibit of Muhammed cartoons, highlighting the need for a national conversation on the problem of cartoonists drawing things that leave religious fanatics with no choice but to try to kill them. James Taylor is unavailable, so federal authorities dispatch The Captain and Tennille to the scene, where they perform a powerful version of Muskrat Love.

In another disturbing federal story, a report on an undercover investigation into airport security reveals that Transportation Security Administration screeners failed to detect banned items, including weapons and explosives, 67 out of 70 times. Responding to the report, TSA officials state: “What report? We don’t see any report.

Read the whole thing, as someone once said.


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One response to “Christmas Classic”

  1. Kathy Kinsley Avatar
    Kathy Kinsley

    Oh, I did – when it came out. Eminently worth reading.

    Warning to those reading this post: put down anything you are drinking or eating first, lest you have to clean keyboards and monitors…

    I’m surprised no-one has tried to harass him into apologizing for being politically incorrect. Though, they are probably afraid he’d write a column about them…and he probably would.