In the pre-Internet days,  I used to — I am not making this up — keep a folder of Dave Barry Year In Review columns.

In Paris, two million people march in a solidarity rally following the horrific terrorist attack on the French satirical newspaper Charlie Hebdo.

Eyebrows are raised when not a single top U.S. official attends, but several days later, Secretary of State John Kerry arrives in France with James Taylor, who — this really happened — performs the song You’ve Got a Friend. This bold action strikes fear into the hearts of terrorists, who realize that Secretary Kerry is fully capable, if necessary, of unleashing Barry Manilow.

In Garland, Texas, two armed men are gunned down by police after they open fire on a security guard outside an exhibit of Muhammed cartoons, highlighting the need for a national conversation on the problem of cartoonists drawing things that leave religious fanatics with no choice but to try to kill them. James Taylor is unavailable, so federal authorities dispatch The Captain and Tennille to the scene, where they perform a powerful version of Muskrat Love.

In another disturbing federal story, a report on an undercover investigation into airport security reveals that Transportation Security Administration screeners failed to detect banned items, including weapons and explosives, 67 out of 70 times. Responding to the report, TSA officials state: “What report? We don’t see any report.

Read the whole thing, as someone once said.