Bigotry these days is getting, like, really really complicated.

But my goal is to simplify, and yes, I think I can.

Today I marveled over Janeane Garofalo’s very serious claim that “Racist Republicans Support Herman Cain,” because it reminded me of my superciliously convoluted explanation of why Cain can’t win:

He can’t win. That’s because the Republicans don’t want to be seen as being influenced by race no matter how much they are.

The real racists are those (like me) who don’t consider race an issue.

I need to elaborate a bit, because with regard to Herman Cain, it is now apparent that all the following are absolute liberal truths:

  • Republicans who support Cain because he is black are racist.
  • Republicans who oppose Cain because he is black are racist.
  • Republicans who support Cain and do not care whether he is black are racist.
  • Republicans who oppose Cain and do not care whether he is black are racist.
  • Republicans who are neutral or have no position on Cain are racist.

Got that? It’s easily reduced to a very simple equation.

All Republicans are racist, no matter who or what they oppose or support.

Similarly, as Zombie explained, not making fun of people constitutes making fun of people.

…a (presumably) gay student was greatly offended that the discriminatory price list didn’t also insult and degrade queers. No fair! If you Republicans aren’t sufficiently bigoted against us, then we’ll lose relevance! By leaving any mention of us out of your bake sale, you discriminated against us by not discriminating against us!

Got that?

Now go out and try not being bigoted, you bigoted Republicans!

You will only prove how bigoted you are!