I realize some people have personal stakes in the liberal versus conservative dichotomy, but is there any end to this conservative liberal diagnostic crap?

If you want to tell whether someone is conservative or liberal, what are a couple of completely nonpolitical questions that will give a good clue?
How’s this: Would you be willing to slap your father in the face, with his permission, as part of a comedy skit?
And, second: Does it disgust you to touch the faucet in a public restroom?
Studies suggest that conservatives are more often distressed by actions that seem disrespectful of authority, such as slapping Dad. Liberals don’t worry as long as Dad has given permission.
Likewise, conservatives are more likely than liberals to sense contamination or perceive disgust. People who would be disgusted to find that they had accidentally sipped from an acquaintance’s drink are more likely to identify as conservatives.

Mean people suck! And nice people swallow!
Nyah nyah!
There’s a lot more, like this:

For liberals, morality derives mostly from fairness and prevention of harm. For conservatives, morality also involves upholding authority and loyalty — and revulsion at disgust.

And this:

The upshot is that liberals and conservatives don’t just think differently, they also feel differently. This may even be a result, in part, of divergent neural responses.

Almost makes me wish I had no feelings at all. Then I wouldn’t resent them so.
But as an admitted erotophobe who’s failed at being a hedonist, I guess I’ll never understand.
Can we contaminate each other?
MORE: These idiotic “studies” really are relentless. Dr. Helen links another one which claims that having daughters makes fathers more liberal:

Professor Oswald said: ‘As men acquire female children, those men gradually shift their political stance and become more sympathetic to the “female” desire for a larger amount for the public good.

Sounds downright authoritarian to me!