Faking out the anti-fake movement

I’ve been a little busy today, but thanks to an email I just learned that candy cigarettes are still for sale.
And it’s (gasp!) legal! While various legislatures (including the U.S. Congress) have been trying to ban the sale of them for years, in the United States they can still be purchased. (Notice that they are labeled “candy” and not “candy cigarettes” though. So this might just mean that there’s a “loophole” that hasn’t been closed.)
I’m reminded of the largely successful effort to ban toy guns. The activists can’t quite fully ban the real thing yet, so they have to content themselves with banning toys. (Yeah, you can still buy pink plastic guns — for now — but why not just surprise your local burglar by spraypainting your real Glock bright pink? Then the activists could demand laws banning pink Glocks and other “fake toy guns” lest criminals be confused. On the other hand, when toy guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have toy guns!)
And remember, just because you’re licensed to carry a concealed real weapon, that does not give you the right to carry a concealed fake weapon.
In progressive Canada where they’ve already banned candy cigarettes, Mothers Against Drunk Driving is trying to ban a soft drink called “Robby Bubble” because it looks like a champagne bottle.
Sheesh. Next they’ll be banning play money and fake condoms.
(Not so fast, there Eric!)
Alas, my satire is someone else’s activism. While there’s no move to ban play money, patently nonsensical currency like the million dollar bill does not amuse the Secret Service. And while I was about to say that no one has ever tried to ban fake — or candy — condoms I now see that yes, there actually is such a thing. Swear to God!
What? You don’t believe me? Do I have to prove everything I say to a cruel and cynical world?

Maybe now that I have told the world, some world savior will try to ban it!
Come on, now! Senators, Congressmen!
Will someone please introduce a bill?
If that isn’t bad enough, adult candy condoms are also for sale.
Well? Surely by now some anti-faker legislator must somewhere be drooling in anticipation. (“Beat me! Whip me! Make me write bad laws!”)
While they’re at it, I think they should seriously consider prohibiting the use of fake cell phones while driving, otherwise crackpots like me will engage in loophole-flaunting behavior. (Hmmm…. Should that be “loophole flouting behavior”?)
I think the best defense against the anti-faker movement is to make reality look as fake as possible, the idea being that a moving target is harder to hit.
That way, reality can be protected by mislabeling it.