Reduced To Tears By Helpless Laughter

Given the recent events concerning my nephew and Al Gore, this item at Greenie Watch reduced me to tears. Seriously folks, I was just howling. Perhaps that’s mortifying in a man my age, but there you have it. I like to think of it as being young at heart.
Besides, the story described is so perfect an example of its kind. It’s the beau ideal of self-parodic eco-noia.

A new United Nations children’s book promoting fears of catastrophic manmade global warming is being promoted at the UN Climate Change Conference in Kenya…”Tore and the Town on Thin Ice” is published by the United Nations Environment Programme and blames “rich countries” for creating a climate catastrophe.
The book is about a young kid named Tore who lives in an Arctic village. Tore loses a dog sled race because he crashes through the thinning ice…
After the boy loses the dog sled race, he is visited by “Sedna, the Mother of the Sea” in a dream. The “Sea Mother” informs the boy in blunt terms that the thinning ice that caused his loss in the dog sled race was due to manmade global warming. “I’m the one who created and cares for the sea creatures – whales and walruses, seals and fish,” the “Sea Mother” explained to the boy. The “Sea Mother” then tells the boy she will educate him about the reason the ice is thinning.

Run, Tore! Run!

The morning after his dream, Tore sets out on a quest for knowledge about the dangers of catastrophic manmade global warming. A “snowy owl” informs Tore that “the planet’s heating up” and that both the Arctic and Antarctica “are warming almost twice as fast as elsewhere.”

Now it’s too late to run…

,The “snowy owl” tells Tore that winning dog sledding races “might not be your top worry” and the owl instead tells the boy that “lots of things are changing fast. Some people who hunt for a living are already going hungry because a lot of seals and walruses are heading north.” The “snowy owl” also asserts that “the great ice cap here in Greenland-mountains of snow and ice up to about four kilometers thick-is thawing.”

A metric owl, eh? Tres bien.

Next, a polar bear informs Tore that it is hungry because the ice is too thin to stand on and hunt and the bear says that other bears have “starved” because the sea ice went out to sea. The polar bear adds, “We may not have much of a future.” The polar bear concludes by telling Tore, “It looks like many animals and fish and birds will go extinct-die out-during your lifetime, partly because of changes in climate.”

Luckily, polar bears are our friends. They would never dream of devouring a human child…

The child is described “at a loss for words” after hearing this grim news and just “stare[s] at the polar bear.”

Say, is that bear starting to edge a little closer?

After a whale appears to present more climate fear, the boy finally screams, “Listen, I’ve had all the bad news I can stand. Our world is melting. Polar bears are starving and all sorts of animals won’t survive. I don’t want to hear anymore!”

Tore’s sure lucky that whale showed up when it did. His yelling at it like that is probably just a fear displacement behavior.

The whale responds, “That’s the spirit! Get good and angry. You’ll need all that energy to make a difference.” The whale then goes on to describe computer model projections of massive coastal flooding in the future and the potential destruction of human life in coastal areas because of the projected sea level rise.

The whale was actually raised by kindly marine biologists, which no doubt explains its startling familiarity with computer model projections…

The whale continues, telling the child that more hurricanes and “other things you call `natural disasters’ are on their way, too – and they’re getting harsher.”

The biologists often spoke in “scare quotes”.

Finally Tore has had enough and asks, “Is there anything at all a kid like me can do?”
The “Sea Mother” tells him of the dangerous effects that an oil and gas based energy system has on the climate and the “Sea Mother” singles out the industrialized world as the cause of her predicted climate catastrophe. “Rich countries use-and waste-an awful lot of energy. Huge cars. Too many cars instead of efficient trains and buses,” the “Sea Mother explains to Tore…
Finally the “Sea Mother” tells Tore that the solution to the climate crisis can begin in his Arctic village by “setting up solar panels to get electricity from the sun, and modern windmills to capture the energy of the wind.”
The book ends with a section answering the question “What can you do?” The books answer includes such suggestions as “Join or create an environmental club,” “only drive cars if you must,” and “write to your political leaders.”

My god. How can you not laugh?
This farrago of misinformation is brought to you by Tunza. Click here to see their currently available titles.
I hope you enjoy the Kool Kover Art!


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