When they pry my DVD burner from my cold, dead fingers . . .

Anyone remember the jack booted thugs of the ATF?
The FBI’s hostage rescue team (also known as the Hostage Roasting Team)?
Well, move over for the newest bullies on the block. Get ready for Hollywood’s finest — the black-Kevlar-clad, deadly-as-Ninjas, MPAA!
That stands for the Motion Picture Association of America, and no, I am serious.

They’re here, and they obviously want to draw fear! So get used to it! They’re going to put an end to high tech pirates and Information Superhighwaymen!
A picture is worth a thousand words, but here’s the story:

?We are rooting out these DVD thieves one by one and tracking their networks in order to shut down illegal DVD and CD pirate operations,? says Jim Spertus, an ex-assistant US attorney who’s now one of the people who runs the MPAA?s US anti-piracy SWAT squad.

We should all be feeling safer in the secure knowledge that Hollywood SWAT teams are on the job. As we all know, copyright infringement now ranks among the top threats to Homeland security, so it’s high time we forgot about this national fetish for imaginary freedom and start tackling the problem. Civil liberties crackpots will just have to get over their hissy tantrum and face facts. Or else! Nervous nelly types with their quavering concerns about “freedom” must be made to realize that the pussyfooting around they propose has dire, real life consequences.
Remember, the Copyright War affects everyone. You’re either on the side of Hollywood’s new heroes, or you’re on the side of a dark, slippery slope which will download your soul directly to Hell.
If we can prevent just one digital download, this war will have been worth it.
Of course, some of the usual nattering nabobs of copyright nihilism will claim that there’s been MPAA payola:

….on at least four occasions in Brooklyn, Manhattan and Staten Island, the task force officers arrested the vendors, confiscated the illegal movies and then allegedly received gratuities of several hundred dollars from the MPAA itself or its investigators” a source told the New York Post. The Motion Picture Association of America has strongly denied the allegations.

Typical anti-Copyright enforcement smear! In fact, there’s nothing new about allegations of Hollywood-style corruption. The tabloids are filled with such lies.
The truth is, we will never have enough Hollywood SWAT teams.
It’s too late for anyone to just say no.
UPDATE (05/29/05): According to this report, homeland security now includes federal raids for copyright violations!
Does the federal government believe such bullshit is really part of the war on terrorism?
I hope not, because I don’t want to have to rethink my support for the war.