It just figures that not long after I stood up for the right of Americans to keep and bear prosthetic penises, the penis control people would provoke me by deliberately running this sexed-up story about a prosthetic penis which allegedly caused highway chaos.
Suspicious package indeed: Device that forced I-75 and Daniels shut was a prosthetic penis
The suspicious object that jammed traffic Monday on Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway was not an explosive pipe bomb, according to the Lee County Sheriff’s Office — it was a prosthetic penis..
There’s no word yet on whether the device ? found on the side of Daniels under the northbound I-75 overpass ? was designed to serve medical or recreational needs.
A motorist called the Lee County Sheriff?s Office shortly after 3 p.m. about the suspicious package on the side of the road under the northbound Interstate 75 overpass.
The cylinder was more than a foot long in a plastic bag and wrapped with duct tape. It looked like pipe bomb.
Deputies arrived and alerted the bomb squad, which used a robot to disable the cylinder. The north- and southbound lanes of Intestate 75 were closed for about an hour between Alico Road and Colonial Boulevard. Traffic was blocked on Daniels Parkway at the overpass for an hour while the device was removed.
A robot versus a penis?
Can they be serious?
As if it weren’t bad enough that we are beaten down by the real culture war, now the penis control forces resort to using robots to wage war on fake penises in a grotesque sort of Culture War by proxy. Is this an appropriate use of our tax dollars?
It makes sense, in an oddly symmetrical sort of way. If toy guns are more illegal than real guns, by the same perverse logic, a fake penis should be more illegal than a real one.
It’s getting tougher and tougher to avoid seeing life itself as satire.
UPDATE: There’s already blogospheric speculation that the prosthetic penis may have been a Whizzinator (subject of my previous post.) This looks more and more like a set up, so I’ll say this: Wizzinators don’t cause accidents! People, er, uh (Hmmmmm…….)
Oh, forget it!
Comments
6 responses to “Carrying the culture war too far?”
If we were to pick a blog post to represent life in the 21st Century, this would certainly be a prime candidate. I howled. Your deft touch with the story and your links to your past posts are, let’s face it, classic. I copied it and I am sure I will enjoy reading it any number of times. If we use campus life as a model, we are heading for a time that will present us with even zanier real life stories resulting from the belief that merely passing a law solves a problem.
I passed the life-as-satire threshold before turning twenty. You’re way behind the curve man.
Behind the curve by at least 30 years!
😉
My life is a satire on myself.
A pipe bomb sounds pretty unpleasant. Less unpleasant might be this fake penis you write of. Far, far, far, far better is a real penis. And far, far, far, far, far better than that, from my point of view, is a clitoris — particularly one possessed by a pulchritudinous woman. Conervative Lesbian Individualist Theology.
It’s another example of that old business adage?
“Find a need. Then fill it.”
Steven, thank you! Your ability to engage in self satire should be the envy of the blogosphere. You fill needs which most people have not yet found.