Test results keep bugging me

Well, it’s Friday, and as usual, I am bugging myself to death by taking more silly online tests. It’s the price I must pay to support the War Against Seriousness — a war I take most seriously! But, to paraphrase Drayton Sawyer, just because there’s some things I gotta do, that doesn’t mean I gotta like it….
On to the tests. By now I’m onto almost all of them.
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The first one — The Cicada Test — , while fun, gave me a result which makes little to no sense, but here it is anyway:

Take the Cicada Test!

(Via Jay Solo.)
Trading what? For what?
Let’s see.
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Most of the political online tests I have seen have told me I am some sort of libertarian or other, and there’s a new one — A Satirical Political Beliefs Assessment Test — which is no exception.
The following description comes from the test’s author, Donald J. Hagen:

A Humorous Political Party Quiz to Test
If You’re an Archconservative, Leftwing Wacko,
Antigovernment Libertine or a Commie Sympathizer

It is a fun test, and what I most enjoyed about it is that the answers are given in advance, in color, so you know right away whether you are a conservative, a liberal, a libertarian, or a communist. I found myself 80% libertarian, but able to agree with many of the conservative answers as well.
What else could a Trading Spaces Cicada be other than a libertarian? But is seventeen years spent living underground worth a few measly days of hedonistic liberty, followed by an undignified death?
And what about the cicada killers? I don’t especially like the idea of coming out to breed, only to be dragged back underground, paralyzed with poison, and eaten alive by a bunch of young WASP larvae! This fearsome terroristic spectacle goes mostly unreported, but many a wholesome American cicada suffers precisely such a fate as the one displayed here!
biglarva5.jpg
A fate worse than death itself!
Why aren’t we being told about these things? Is the liberal media trying to instill feelings of complacency? WASP appeasement? Wholesale surrender?
I don’t like it!
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As to the search for a partner, here’s “THE LOVE TEST” — which promised to tell me what partner I seek:
8
CRAZY ONE. You need crazy partners. You dont mind
if he/she takes alc or drugs or smokes he is
not allowed to be boring. Open-Minded for
everything our partner should spent much time
with you. Your partner shall be spontaneous and
love danger. It is not that important if she/he
is rich or if he/she cuts his nails she/he must
follow you .You take the domination over the
relationship, you decide most of the times
where to go. If the sex is not good (any
more)you quit the relationship
For you it is better to leave than to see your
love restrained.
PLEASE VOTE, I want to know what you think about my
quiz, I worked hard on it.You can always
message me or tell me how I can improve that
quiz. Ill sure write back.

~THE big LOVE TEST!! What do you need? With PICS! For girls and boys!~
brought to you by Quizilla
But I don’t want to be followed!
Or bugged!
See what I mean about these tests?
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The final test — What Monty Python Character are you? — offers a small ray of hope, because I get to be King Arthur, who many historians these days seem to think was a Roman holdover of one sort or another. However, the controversy continues, and I doubt it will ever be settled.

Well, u– um, can we come up and have a look?

What Monty Python Character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Whoever or whatever Arthur was, I am glad to be someone who hates the French and upholds the Classical theme of this blog!


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One response to “Test results keep bugging me”

  1. Steven Malcolm Anderson the Lesbian-worshipping gun-loving selfish aesthete Avatar

    The Pharaoh of the Cicadas, the Sexual One, about 70% Antigovernment Libertine and about 30% Arch-Conservative.
    Several years ago, I devised an ideological spectrum test extremely similar to that one. I’ll post it on my blog as soon as I’m able. (I still haven’t been able to post anything to my blog!)