The inimitable Jeff G brings it, as only he can:

I mean, what teen in his rebellious stage isn't going to embrace the edgy cries of, "all our shower heads are uniform in pressure!", or "hell no, we won't go (to restaurants that cook with table salt)!". Why, it's just like following the Dead around the country!

Face it, Nishi. The statist scolds -- offering soulless progressivism repackaged in the language of freedom -- will only hold power so long as they can maintain the euphemisms.

And that won't last. Jon Stewart's ears are starting to sprout hair. Matt Damon is a punch line.

You are disco, is what you are. And any day now, Asia or Journey or Joan Jett will be coming around to f*** you back into a handful of cheesy dance clubs catering to Long Island hairdressers.

Be sure to take Urkel with you.

UPDATE: The AP water-carriers do their best to earn a gov't subsidy of their own someday:

Conservative columnist Andrew Breitbart disputed accounts that tea party activists in Washington shouted racial epithets at black members of Congress amid the health care debate, although he didn't provide any evidence.