To the anti-abortion lobby, Congressman Bart Stupak is a hero right now. But to those who oppose government health care, he's anything but a hero, because his anti-abortion amendment is what saved the day for the Pelosi bill. While at least one anti-abortion conservative blogger warned that Stupak (a supporter of government health care) was "engaged in political posturing," none of the Republicans appear to have listened.

Stupak also happens to be a staunch supporter of government urine testing, and was much in the news a few years ago when he launched a crusade against an evil device called the Whizzinator.

Here's a picture of Stupak, shown "bemoaning the ease with which people can buy Whizzinators with credit cards, money orders or checks, and have them delivered by U.S. mail or UPS or FedEx."

For those who might have forgotten, the Whizzinator is a prosthetic penis with an attached reservoir, all fitted inside a pouch designed to look like underwear. I've posted about it before, and I suggested numerous other uses for the device in case the feds tried to make it illegal.

1. To help pee-shy men pee in public places;

2. To help a variety of men and women achieve the fulfillment of their sexual fantasies, by helping them overcome sexual pee-shyness.

3. To help women make a political statement by challenging the traditionalist view that they are incapable of using urinals.

4. As a teaching aid for parents and teachers.

5. As a way of protesting the nation's ever encroaching drug laws by deliberately making a mockery of them -- especially by drug free citizens with clean urine.

6. As a constitutionally protected penis parody device. (It should be noted that political parody and mockery are protected by the First Amendment.)

U.S. Attorney Mary Beth Buchanan's office filed criminal charges Tuesday against Gerald W. Wills and Robert Dennis Catalano, and their Signal Hill, Calif., company Puck Technology Inc.

Prosecutors contend the men defrauded the government and conspired to sell drug paraphernalia by hawking products called the "Whizzinator" and "Number 1."

The Whizzinator contains a fake penis, bladder and athletic supporter designed for men to simulate urination. The Number 1 contains a tube connected to a reservoir tucked inside a waistband and can be used by men or women.

Judge David Cercone scheduled sentencing for Wills and Catalano on February 20, 2009, at 11:00 a.m. and 11:30 a.m., respectively. The law provides for a maximum total sentence of eight (8) years in prison, a fine of $500,000, or both, for each defendant. The Judge scheduled sentencing for Puck Technology, Inc. on February 20, 2009, at 10:30 a.m. The law provides a maximum total sentence of ten years' probation and a fine of $1,000,000 for the company. Under the Federal Sentencing Guidelines, the actual sentence imposed would be based upon the seriousness of the offenses and the prior criminal history, if any, of the defendant.

Imagine having to explain that to fellow convicts.

Anyway, it seems that I wasn't the only one who saw the Whizzinator's remarketing possibilities. While most people think that sexualization of urine is a rather disgusting thing (I don't think it's even sex, but obviously some people do), the artificial simulation of what is called "water sports" is not only not illegal, but it's probably safer than doing the real thing.

So they have rebadged the Whizzinator as a sex toy, and you can still buy it at places like this, where the product now features the following prominent warning:

THIS PRODUCT IS NOT INTENDED FOR DRUG TESTS OR OTHER ILLEGAL USE. PLEASE FOLLOW ALL APPLICABLE STATE AND FEDERAL LAWS WHEN USING THIS PRODUCT.

BTW, in case anyone was worried, I thought I should reassure readers that there's nothing gay about the Whizzinator.

Why, there's even a girl on the package!

Thanks to the federal government's hard work of preserving the sanctity of our precious bodily fluids, there is a now a Whizzinator workaround. But it didn't come easy. They had to resort to a loophole that has not yet been closed -- the fake penis loophole!

How long will we allow fake penises?

(Anyone who thinks that last sentence is a pun has a filthy mind.)