What's love got to do with it?

What is it about James Carville and Mary Matalin? Bridget Johnson, who describes herself as conservative, thinks it might be about sex:

The poster models for cross-political romance have long been James Carville and Mary Matalin -- same pit-bull personalities, just polar opposites on the political spectrum. And all one hears -- from anti-war, Prius-driving, smug-alert leftists to gun-toting, Coulter-reading, Ford-boycotting right-wingers -- is shock and awe at how, oh how, James and Mary can co-exist without a homicide, never mind within the blissful bonds of matrimony.

I'll theorize why it works in a way that you won't hear from the lecterns at CPAC: They probably have great sex.

"He has these wonderfully unpredictable love bursts," Matalin told Salon in 1997. Yep; I figured.

As a moderate rightie who has happily dated on the other side of the political spectrum, I can say that if you're that passionate about the issues, it usually carries over into other aspects of your life. If you clash over the issues, at some point you've gotta make up. If you find someone who challenges you, you've got it made.

That these two political opposites could have such an apparently stable, long-lasting relationship has long intrigued pundits, and baffled many people who can't imagine living with someone who does not share their philosophy.

Right there, I stopped. Are we talking about political philosophy? Or personal philosophy? This is a hugely important distinction, because we live in an age where almost every aspect of our personal lives has become politicized. (The term "lifestyle" has itself become a politicized expression.)

WIth Global Warming in the immediate future, things are going to get far worse.

While I don't know them so I can't be sure, I suspect that most Carville/Matalin style couples do not consist of "anti-war, Prius-driving, smug-alert leftists" on the one hand and "gun-toting, Coulter-reading, Ford-boycotting right-wingers " on the other. Rather, I think they are people who are able to separate political philosophies from the way they live, probably tend not to take themselves or their politics too seriously, and are able to recognize that it is possible to see things differently without being seen as evil. There is a big difference between a leftist who opposes the war and a leftist who thinks Bush is a war criminal and you are evil for voting for him. Similarly, there is a big difference between a conservative who disagrees with gay marriage and one who believes God is punishing America for sodomy and pornography. Animal rights activists are another example; while I think a meat eater and a vegetarian could live happily together, I don't see how a radical vegan activist could share a kitchen with someone who consumes butchered animals, wants to feed them to the children, and wants to spend some of the family budget on it.

I think whether people can get along is determined pretty much by the extent to which political views are driven by emotion. I have plenty of friends on the left, but they don't condemn me or scold me. Occasionally I'll meet people who do, and I avoid them like the plague. Also, if someone can't have a political discussion without yelling at me, I tend to avoid that person.

The trouble is, there are a lot of people like that out there, left and right, who wear their politics on their sleeve, who live the activist life (always boycotting one damned thing or another -- and saying so loudly), and who cast moral aspersions on all who disagree with them. You're either an evil war-monger who's murdering born children, and ruining the planet, or someone who hates the family and is against God, murdering unborn children, and destroying "the culture." It gets incredibly tedious, and I can't fit into either of these "sides." I suspect that most of the people who think this way would be very distrustful of both James Carville and Mary Matalin -- simply for being married to each other. That's because they'd see them as not being really committed.

This touches on a complaint I've heard years from hard core activists (on both the right and the left) who have visited Washington to lobby for one favorite single issue or another and managed to glimpse people they thought were their "leaders" while off duty. They have been literally shocked to see that politicians on opposite sides of the aisle were real friends -- something that seemed like treason.

I think the people who wear their politics on their sleeve and take this deeply personal political view of themselves very seriously also tend to take it very seriously in other people -- and judge them accordingly.

This may account for the hatred many conservatives feel towards John McCain. His 82% ACU rating is beside the point. It's not issues; it's attitude. That McCain has this flippant attitude that there are things more important than politics, that he can jovially, almost dismissively, laugh off differences that people think ought to be worth dying over, this is seen as deeply offensive. They seem to interpret him as sneering at them, even radiating contempt. It would not surprise me that even if he agreed with them, that would not be enough. Mere agreement would be seen as phony, even condescending. They want hair shirt behavior. Atonement. Groveling. I think this is a conflation of politics and personality traits -- misleadingly labeled "principles." The problem is, McCain sees principles not as involving political positions, but as involving virtues.

I often wish more people in both parties could be like Mary Matalin and James Carville. I don't mean in the sense of loving each other, but it would be nice if the election could mirror them in terms of civility, but the grimly Puritanical scolds in both parties probably won't let that happen.

posted by Eric on 02.14.08 at 10:34 AM





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This may account for the hatred many conservatives feel towards John McCain. His 82% ACU rating is beside the point. It's not issues; it's attitude. That McCain has this flippant attitude that there are things more important than politics, that he can jovially, almost dismissively, laugh off differences that people think ought to be worth dying over, this is seen as deeply offensive. They seem to interpret him as sneering at them, even radiating contempt. It would not surprise me that even if he agreed with them, that would not be enough. Mere agreement would be seen as phony, even condescending. They want hair shirt behavior. Atonement. Groveling. I think this is a conflation of politics and personality traits -- misleadingly labeled "principles." The problem is, McCain sees principles not as involving political positions, but as involving virtues.

You forget to mention that McCain spent 5 years being tortured by the real enemy(as it was at the time). I suspect when he looks across the aisle he see's fellow Americans with a different point of view and not 'the enemy'.

Takethat22us   ·  February 14, 2008 02:21 PM

I once worked with an individual who had the temerity to proclaim that she 'hated' politics, this, despite:
1)Not shaving her legs or wearing make because she was a feminist, yadda, yadda, yadda
2)Being a vegetarian (maybe even a vegan, but I'm not sure) for 'moral' reasons, yadda, yadda, yadda
3)Pointedly not buying anything from Starbucks because they were an evil corporation or something, yadda, yadda, yadda
4)Repeatedly attending some protest at Ft Benning, GA against 'the school of the Americas' or whatever its called now.
5)Lecturing people on 'social justice' and other 'progressive' subjects.

Now none of this is necessarily bad, but when she said she hated politics, I simply had to challenge that statement, as she was basically the most political person I'd ever met. She actually took it better than I thought she would.

Eric Blair   ·  February 14, 2008 06:36 PM

Hmm. I dunno. Your lifestyle really does reflect your principles.

You can, you know, be heterosexual, monogamous, red-meat-eating, bear-all-your-kids-to-term All-American WASP and still hold positions that gays should be left alone, free sex is fine, vegetarianism is healthy and pro-choice. That is because you can very well hold these as intellectual positions, and we can rationally argue about them. Don't get me wrong, you can be all serious about these positions - all to the better.

But most people do not hold them like that. As you point out, there is an emotional, extra-rational component to 'positions' which we call principles, and your actions will bear out those principles.

At the end of the day, what is politics? Is it what you define it? What I define it? I suspect you would view my thoughts on government drug regulation (I'm all for it, death penalty and all, but also a rigourous and fair due process, which is not necessarily true, so some compromise is in order) as political, even though I don't think so myself. Similarly, many people think abortion stances are political. I see it as a moral issue.

I am not an American, right? So my stake in your political system is not very great. Nevertheless, I can see why people would vote McCain, and why people would NOT vote McCain. I daresay if it impacted my life more, I would care more - as it is, I'm quite happily agnostic to the whole affair.

I bet if McCain, in the name of the virtues you speak off, decided that more government interference (excuse me, intervention) was necessary, libertarians everywhere would be up in arms. Literally, in some cases, I don't doubt. Tell me, is this conflation?

But on the point you are trying to make (so it seems to me) - that individuals can be professional adversaries and remain personal friends - I agree with.

GK   ·  February 14, 2008 09:38 PM

I don't know about you, but the phrase "love bursts" makes me want to jump into the shower and scrub myself all over with a Brillo pad.

Francis W. Porretto   ·  February 15, 2008 04:34 AM

McCain has this flippant attitude that there are things more important than politics

Yes - politicians.

And he does radiate contempt for anyone who's not one, or some other such "servant." For that I find him far more contemptible than any always-on-duty lifestyle partisan.

Always-on conservatives misinterpret the hatred they feel coming from him. Their philosophy conflicts with his differently than they understand. He takes suspicion of government as a personal affront.

L'etat, c'est him. And all his friends.

guy on internet   ·  February 15, 2008 04:44 PM

Look. There is no way I'm getting down with Hillary. Bill's rejects maybe. Hillary - definitely no. Let me modify that a little. She is in chains and I have a full compliment of whips. Horse whips.

M. Simon   ·  February 15, 2008 08:41 PM

Tell me about it... I work at a church - one of the denominations that's so over-the-top "tolerant" that they seem to pray - in unison - from I'm OK, You're OK. While there are (I understand) some Republicans in the congregation, every person in the office from the reverend to the parish secretary (and probably the sexton, though he doesn't talk politics) is rabidly Democrat of the "Bush is a war criminal" stripe, and at the adult discussion period after church, lovely comments surface weekly about how if Jesus returned today, indubitably he'd be a socialist, or maybe a communist, because after all they care for the poor. Unlike all Republicans. Oh, and those southern fundamentalists, who are probably also war criminals.

I get so frustrated - with myself, that is - for my impulse immediately to spring to the defense of fundamentalists, with whom I have little truck. But when the freakin' sermon refers to fundamentalist churches as the "nursery" of Christianity and the "mainstream churches" as the "finishing school" of same, well, I'm a little overwhelmed by the chutzpah. Somehow, though, that attitude counts as ecumenism...

Jamie   ·  February 19, 2008 07:08 PM

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