Classical Values :: PEACE -- BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

PEACE -- BACK BY POPULAR DEMAND

This is the first time I have republished a post, and I hope it will be the last. This really burns me up!

F r a n k, there is still time! Frank, please! Listen to reason. Give peace a chance!

PLEASE READ AND IMPLEMENT THIS PEACE PLAN NOW! EVERYONE PLEASE LINK FOR PEACE!

F R A N K, DON'T MAKE ME DO THIS!

So read on, and please, PLEASE, link for peace...

Frankincense, sausage offerings, and other LINKS for PEACE

Si vis pacem, para bellum: If you wish for peace, prepare for war.

Cicero

Much as I try to practice the Classical Values, I can't keep up with the kids these days. I really can't. This Frank J. stuff, frankly, is beyond me. Last night I saw that someone had written Frank a long, lovely frankophile sonnet (entitled "Gratuitous Pandering for Linkage, a Sonnet to Frank J.") consisting of some of the most extravagant sycophancy I have ever seen. Frankly, I think the sonnet would impress even the most decadent and cynical Roman emperor. Here, in the interest of complete accuracy (and in furtherance of the Classical Values Peace Plan ©), is the whole thing:

If there were but one perfect site,

A treasure to beguile with prose,

humor, irony, unfair blows,

then here my browser would alight

for funny potshots from the right:

There is none but IMAO's

for reading while your laughter grows

and bringing forth of pure delight.

Sound the applause - sound the alarm!

Let no more puppies instablend,

but only monkeys come to harm.

Buck the Marine will us defend.

Rumsfeld, Chomps and Condi charm

and foes of freedom meet their end.

Whew! This guy's more slick than William Shakespeare -- who couldn't possibly have done that!

But the people I worry for are the innocent young kids who so admire Frank that they are willing to do anything to get links -- so they can get ahead in blogging. They are being herded into packs and readied for war. I have complained about the human waste involved, and begged, implored Frank to stop.

His response? Well, I got a mention (and I am grateful for the hits Frank), but -- my goal remains PEACE IN OUR TIME. Frank's comment -- "madness is all I got" -- seems to underscore the problem. And ominously, his enemies list grows.

In short, something must done to appease Frank.
Otherwise, I fear that HEADS will roll!

Please, Frank, try a new slogan! Not "INSTAPUNDO DELENDA EST" but
PAX POTIOR BELLO!!!

Here is what I propose as a peace solution. What Frank really wanted -- what really started this war -- is hits. Originally, Frank was angry because Glenn Reynolds failed to link to him directly as Frank had demanded. Instead, Frank felt ridiculed.

Well, I have a plan. A dream for a lasting PAX BLOGIORUM!

Now, I don't know whether what I am proposing is a breach of blog ethics (I have only been blogging for two months and, quite frankly, I have never been noted for my ethics anyway, so how would I know, and if I did know how would I care?)

To be frank about it, I thought, well, frankly, if Frank wants hits, if all of his allies just started franking their blogs and every time the word "frank" appears in any context (even as a part of a larger word, like "Frankish") they could put a link to http://imao.us/archives/000917.html#000917, then maybe, just maybe, Frank would be appeased for a time, and the war at least postponed.

My tentative peace/ceasefire plan (and you don't have to be a genius and write syrupy sonnets to do this):

Just frank the hell out of your blog. If everyone put the word "frank" with a link to http://imao.us/archives/000913.html#000913 each time the word frank appeared, then technorati and truthlaidbear would have alltime new records, Frank's hits would exceed anything in blog history, and war might be averted.

It really doesn't matter whether you even spell frank's name right. Some Guy called him Frnak and who cares? As long as the link is there Frnak will get the hits he wants.

Frnak? What the hell kind of a frankensteinian name is that anyway?

There are ethical considerations, and let me give an example of a line which should not be crossed. I think it is perfectly acceptable to be creative and insert a link to "frank" every time the name or word appears. You could even offer a reading list:

Frankenstein
Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
Diary of Anne Frank
Dune, by Frank Herbert
Rush Limbaugh is a Big Fat Idiot, by Al Franken
Etc.

But don't just post a gigantic list consisting of the word "frank." That would be an abuse of the system.

Link ethically! Link politically! Link locally! Link globally!

Link for peace!

Come to think of it, isn't frank another word for "link"?

And, to take this a step further, are not such links both the essence of politics and the essence of frank link sausage manufacturing? This is not my opinion, but a long tradition:

"To retain respect for sausages and laws, one must not watch them in the making."
Otto von Bismarck

How much more frankly political can I get than the above link to Bismarck?

Come on baby, don't make me light my fire!

I once thought of writing the HTML script to link to everyone of my posts and then having my friends paste such at the very bottom of their blogs, changing the text color to match the background so as to make the links invisible, and watching my link numbers go over the roof, but then thought it wouldn't really be bringing me anymore readers than the 1800 hit Instalanche I just experienced. I shall remain a faithful Switzerblog™ in all BlogWars. Hits are for dummies, real Bloggers want readers.

Tiger · August 20, 2003 08:02 PM