I think I’d prefer the smell of napalm in the morning…

WARNING: It has been pointed out that this post is Not Safe For Work.

I am the last person in need of a reminder that human tastes vary widely, but a woman named Kim Kardashian seems to prove the point. Some love her, some hate her. I never would have even heard of the woman, as I don’t follow popular culture, but it just so happens that yesterday a friend asked me to please photoshop the head of another celebrity I’d never heard of onto the naked body of Kim Kardashian.

I can’t say no to a simple request like that, so here was the result:

kimpep_s

No big deal for me. I have no strong feelings about either celebrity.

But see, now that my mind has been polluted with the unwanted knowledge of the existence of the thoroughly useless Kardashian woman, I now find myself unable to ignore new insights about her when I stumble onto them — like this video of a Kim Kardashian coffee dispenser:

That there is no accounting for taste was additionally drummed into my head as I walked the dog early this morning. A man got out of a slick new BMW and opened (a bit ostentatiously, so it seemed) both front doors in such a way that the sidewalk was blocked, so I had to walk out into the street. Not a big deal until the man walked over to the street side as I was attempting to avoid him and his stupid car, and then I caught a whiff.

Horrible, disgusting, cloying, overpowering cologne!

Honestly, I gagged, and nearly threw up involuntarily. No exaggeration. I just couldn’t help myself. Perhaps it was just too early in the morning. Anyway, I thought about the philosophical implications as I walked the dog. Earlier I had picked up and bagged a rather stinky dog turd. That didn’t bother me any more than usual, and I say that as someone who sincerely hates excrement. But cologne, OTOH, is supposed to be something people want to smell! People pay a lot of money for it and they wear it to make themselves more attractive. Yet it nearly made me vomit. Go figure. I’ll never understand these things.

No idea whether the cologne-wearing BMW driver likes Kim Kardashian, but nothing would surprise me.


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6 responses to “I think I’d prefer the smell of napalm in the morning…”

  1. Mark Avatar
    Mark

    Heah, put this stuff behind a click wall or at least give us a NSFW title. I browse your site at work during lunch… Ouch

  2. Eric Scheie Avatar

    Sorry. The photo I uglified has been all over teh Internet, so I thought it would be work safe.

  3. CapitalistRoader Avatar
    CapitalistRoader

    “Horrible, disgusting, cloying, overpowering cologne!”

    The CFO at a company I used to work for poured it seemed like a quart of cologne on himself every morning and frequently I had to sit in conference rooms with him. I would get ill. It wasn’t just annoying; it was a stomach-turning chemical stench.

    What is wrong with these people? Are they that clueless? If not, what are they trying to accomplish with their overpowering stench?

  4. Eric Scheie Avatar

    It’s one of those things I simply do not get. Another horror story I almost forgot about involves the hot tub at my local gym. I like to soak after a workout because of my lower back, but on several occasions I had to get out because of that insufferable odor of cologne. Not just when the cologne-marinated guys are in the tub, mind you. The stench remains when they exit, almost as if a horrid essential oil has been leached into the water. The tub would need to be drained, cleaned and refilled to get rid of it.

  5. Ken Steiert Avatar
    Ken Steiert

    Yeah, well try doing laps next to one of these perfumed up idiots as not only the fumes fill your nostrils, but the TASTE gets in your mouth! These people are a menace.

  6. c andrew Avatar
    c andrew

    I wonder if these folks are suffering from anosmia? I used to have an older employee who would put on a great deal of perfume – to the detriment of everyone else. The problem was that her nose didn’t work and she had to put on that much to be able to smell it herself.

    Apparently no one had mentioned it to her before, but when we told her what was happening, she stopped wearing it altogether, at least at work.