Message In a Pee Bottle

Remember Pee Bottle and Bull Crap from the old cartoon series? Well they are at it again. (just my way of avoiding the subject)

Whenever I try to use a public restroom, everything freezes up!

No matter how badly I need to go, nothing happens if I’m not at home.

I can urinate when I’m alone at home, no problem. But if I’m away at a ball game, someone else’s home, or wherever, or even if I’m at home and somebody’s over visiting, I can’t pee. This crazy problem has done nothing but interfere with my life!

These are but a few representative comments of people who experience bashful bladder syndrome (BBS), also referred to as bashful kidneys, pee-phobia, urophobia, psychogenic urinary retention and paruresis (the official clinical term). People with BBS are sometimes referred to as paruretics.

I have had the problem since I was two or three years old. Ask my mom. When the doctor required a sample I’d have to take it home because I couldn’t make a donation at the office.

My son’s college graduation was particularly painful. I had to hold it for 20 hours until I got to a safe private bathroom. How did I manage in the Navy? At the start at every new duty station I would use the head only after every one else was asleep. After a few months with the new gang I was a little less bashful. I got used to my surroundings and the people. It was the same at a new job – as a contractor I was changing them as often as every six months.

Well OK. Just another hard luck story. Who cares? Flopping Aces has a story up that bears on the subject. At least tangentially.

In effect, the Supreme Court ruled, Arizona is within its rights to require employers to check the citizenship status of workers through a government data base. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce sued Arizona over the law, maintaining that immigration enforcement is a purview of the federal government.

To which I responded:

So I can’t get a job unless I pee in a bottle and my name is favorably entered in a Federal data base. Swell. Just swell.

I can’t tell who I have more to fear from. The right or the left.

Which brings up the one and only time I tried a pee test. I went to the testers every other day for a week. Nothing doing. On the last day I tried I drank at least 2 gallons of water over a four hour period. My bladder was stretching a LOT ( I can usually drink 3 or 4 cups of coffee at a new job and hold it until I get home). It was stretching to the point of extreme pain. Nothing. I asked them to put a tube up me to get it out. Nothing doing – why take the risk of liability in a clinic situation for a $25 pee test? The math is not difficult. I gave up, went home, and released a flood. That was the last time I ever tried that. I didn’t get the job. Despite the fact that they were desperate for help and I had already fixed two or three serious problems in the two weeks I was on site.

And remember, drug testing is a program that “protects” you from deranged dopers who are indistinguishable by their behavior from ordinary folk. Otherwise you wouldn’t need a pee test to find out who they are.

Since there is no test for this condition then it is not a reason to avoid taking the pee test. So I can’t get a job in my field. Not to worry. I’m sucking as much as I can off the government tit until it gets fixed. Thank you for your support.

Cross Posted at Power and Control