I’d be willing to bet that very few readers knew that if you Google the phrase “syphilitic camel” the second hit you get is Glenn’s post from this morning:
I would vote for a syphilitic camel over Barack Obama in 2012, so therefore I would even vote for Huckabee or Gingrich. But I might try to talk the camel into running one more time.
But who is the camel? McCain? Would he do it?
It is important to note that this is not the first time that Glenn has expressed a preference for syphilitic camels.
PROFESSOR BAINBRIDGE is not enthused with the Republican field. Well, based on the past two years I’d vote for a syphilitic camel if he ran against Obama. But I’d rather not have to.
So now that Glenn has apparently softened his position (from “rather not have to” to “might try to talk the camel into running one more time”), I think it’s time for some solemn, serious contemplation.
Much as I hate to get locked into unalterable positions, I think I can confidently state that I too would vote for a syphilitic camel over Barack Obama. And there is no question in my mind that a syphilitic camel would be better than Huckabee or Gingrich.
A syphilitic camel could be depended upon not to make long speeches, inane gaffes or bigoted remarks. Nor would he impose socialistic programs (“make government work” is the way they put it) or spend money like a drunken sailor the way Big Government Republicans always do. No syphilitic camel that I know of would launch a war on “secularism” while escalating the drug war, nor has any syphilitic camel ever called for Singapore style executions of drug criminals.
So all things considered, a syphilitic camel might not be a bad choice.
But a few questions remain.
When Glenn linked his post, Professor Bainbridge had a couple:
Do camels get syphilis? And what about all the spitting?
Good questions. First, let’s get the spitting out of the way. Camels do spit, no question about it. Especially when they’re provoked. The following video shows one spitting on a female impersonator who attempted to “mount” the poor thing:
Who could blame him? The last thing that camel needs is a sanctimonious lecture on civility!
Fortunately, spittoons are still present on the floor of the U.S. Senate, and the White House has had official spittoons in the past, so I don’t think the spitting should cause any major worries. (Saliva does not spread syphilis.)
As to their propensity to contract syphilis, I don’t know much about camel sexuality, but I did learn that camels are known to practice autoeroticism, and a tourist guide to Morocco stated that “camels have been known to carry syphilis.”
Furthermore, as has been demonstrated in laboratory studies like this (PDF), animals can indeed get syphilis. But they have to get it from somewhere.
So the biologically proper question for a syphilitic camel running for office would not be whether he (or she) got it, but where.
And you know what? If I am going to vote for a syphilitic camel, I don’t care where he or she got it.
I am getting a bit tired of these endless inquiries into candidates’s sex lives!
Comments
8 responses to “I’d walk a mile for a syphilitic camel!”
Okay, first… my weirdness is validated, since my first thought on that was “Do camels get syphilis?” And then I did a search. (Hangs head.)
But yeah I can see Vote Syphilitic Camel 2112 with an o symbol underneath and a “not” through it bumper stickers. I’d buy one.
Making government work has to be a good idea. It is better than stealing.
Of course in practice “government working” = “steals more” so maybe it is not a good idea after all.
I miss Gerald Ford.
I think I can confidently state that I too would vote for a syphilitic camel over Barack Obama. And there is no question in my mind that a syphilitic camel would be better than Huckabee or Gingrich.
See, that’s my problem.
A syphilitic camel appears to be a step up for anybody running.
If it’s a choice of Mitt or Huckabee against Obama, I’m absolutely writing in Gus Hall.
If this country wants to destroy itself, I’m not helping.
I think I’d write in Sam Hall, but I otherwise agree, Veeshir.
Syphilis can at least be cured…
Sorry guys, but this camel phrase is just a politically correct rewording of an old-time insult of the highest order.
The original is racist and sexist and not uttered in polite company nor in front of the ladies.
[…] MORE: The comments below remind me of the syphilitic camel conundrum. And while yes, I would vote for one, and defend him against Barack Obama, I would rather not have […]